If you’re considering joining a dating app or are frustrated by it this post is for you. I joined the dating app world at the very start of the pandemic. The Dating app journey is a very bumpy road. In a world where the illusion of endless choice is available by a swipe, it takes a person who knows what they want and what is important to find their person.
Have Faith and remember you deserve real love
If I were to tell you the number one piece of advice, I would give to someone who is in search of love it would be to have faith. I will not tell you dating apps make finding love easier because they don’t. They help you connect with people you might have never crossed paths with for sure but when it comes to forming actual connections not so much. I can tell you from experience. Just like meeting someone organically there either is a connection or isn’t. One of the things that kept me going was the fact that I am a helpless romantic. Many people stop believing in love because of a big heartbreak but my heart clung to faith in it. I’m not going to lie there have been plenty of times in my life where I have caught myself thinking “Is love real? Is it even worth it?” Ultimately I removed that doubt once I realized that I am love. I am walking proof love exists. I have pure intentions and that is what made me believe that somewhere out there, someone feels the same way. I can’t tell you how important it is to get yourself into the mindset. You deserve love but not just any real love.
Be open
You might or might not have a type. However, it is important to be open to dating outside of what your type might be. As you meet people, you will learn what you like and don’t. Your likings might change depending on who you connect with, and that’s okay. Take this as a reminder to notice how each person makes you feel.
Be as Direct as possible and don’t be afraid to be yourself
If you are looking for something serious, communicate that as early as you can. When I first started using dating apps I stirred away from being direct. I thought that might scare away potential partners. I thought maybe I should be the cool chill girl. This went on until one day when I realized that yes not as many guys would probably reach out but in actuality, it would probably be working in my favor. You see in actuality I was filtering out the guys that would have wasted my time in the first place. Therefore, I was avoiding wasting my time and resources on the wrong person. One of the mistakes many people make especially when starting to date is faking the majority of their personality. Remember how I said I wanted to seem like the “Cool chill girl” By doing this I wasn’t authentically being myself. You see I am a very vocal person especially when it comes to how I feel. I felt like a fake the whole time! There are so many ways I did this to myself at times even not knowing myself I was doing it. For example, there was a time when I was afraid of doing anything or saying anything that might make me look stupid, because of this fear. It hindered me from being able to fully showcase who I was. In my head, I thought I was protecting myself from looking or acting stupid but I was putting up a wall that made me look like I didn’t have a personality at all. Some people might feel the need to seem a certain way to keep someone interested or attracted but let me tell you acting takes energy and work and is very mentally draining. There is nothing easier than being yourself. The best feeling is being with someone who is in love with you.
Take things for what they are
Save your time and don’t entertain anything that isn’t aligned with what you want. If a person communicates that they aren’t looking for something serious or don’t know what they want do yourself a favor and believe them. Don’t try to change their mind or sit around waiting for them. That has to come from within themselves. They have to want it because if they don’t they will just end up hurting the people around them. So appreciate the honesty and move on. You on the other hand know what you want, you’re ready for it and are here for it. Don’t let this world make you feel ashamed or embarrassed for doing so either. Remember that everyone is on a different timeline.
Learn to redirect your negative self-talk
It’s essential to learn to redirect negative self-talk not just in dating but overall in life. It’s very easy for our mind to take over and steer our thoughts in the wrong direction. There have been times when I’ve said such horrible things to myself like “Nobody wants to be with you” or “You’re not beautiful enough”. Most of the time it would be when something didn’t work out. Most of the time when we have negative self-talk. It relates to our current situation. We might feel hopeless in the love life sector of our lives. Research it takes so many good thoughts to replace negative thoughts Remember to have compassion for yourself and that emotions are temporary.
Dating Burnout
I will tell you after going out on dates or chatting with enough people your faith will be tested and you will become frustrated. You might experience dating burnout. You might feel like you are getting nowhere or are just consistently hitting dead ends never getting to the relationship you want to be in. When this happens the best thing you can do is take a break. Delete the app if you need to. It’s important to give yourself time to gain the motivation to get back into it and find love. Don’t download the app again until you’re excited again and ready to give the same effort you did with other past dates. The reason why is when we are burned out we tend to act on autopilot. You might not give the same enthusiasm or energy as you did on previous dates. You could potentially be missing out on someone good if you aren’t in the right mindset. You might not be fully yourself because you’re just expecting the worst leading to self-sabotage.
As you date more people you will come to discover more about yourself and learn and maybe might even meet the one like me.
